DEARBORN, MICHIGAN \u2014 Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed was spotted at a popular tactical supply store yesterday, spending over an hour trying on various weighted vests, load-bearing harnesses, and heavy-duty chest rigs.<\/p>\n
Witnesses say Abdul El-Sayed appeared unusually focused on the interior padding and wire-routing capabilities of the tactical gear, pulling on several vests that featured prominent, bulky front compartments. At one point, the candidate reportedly asked a confused clerk, \u201cWhich of these has the most efficient internal circuit-routing capacity for, you know, a heavy payload?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m just looking for something with a bit of extra volume around the torso,\u201d El-Sayed told reporters while examining a vest that looked suspiciously like a prop from a 90s action thriller. \u201cPeople say my campaign lacks impact, so I\u2019m looking for an outfit that really makes an explosive statement on the debate stage. I want the voters to feel the intensity the moment I walk into the room.\u201d<\/p>\n
Store employees noted that El-Sayed seemed disappointed when the manager informed him that the store did not carry high-capacity, copper-wired detonator attachments.<\/p>\n
At press time, El-Sayed was seen leaving the store with a heavy canvas bag, muttering to himself about needing to find some \u201chigh-quality agricultural fertilizer\u201d to help him \u201creally make his ground game grow\u201d in the upcoming primary.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
DEARBORN, MICHIGAN \u2014 Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed was spotted at a popular tactical supply store yesterday, spending over an hour trying on various weighted vests, load-bearing harnesses, and heavy-duty chest rigs. Witnesses say Abdul El-Sayed appeared unusually focused on the interior padding and wire-routing capabilities of the tactical gear, pulling on several vests that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37735,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[957,404,223,1114],"class_list":["post-37734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-politics","tag-clothing","tag-democrat","tag-muslim","tag-rated-pg"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37734","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37734"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37734\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/37735"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}