BERLIN, GERMANY \u2014 In a swift, pre-dawn operation, heavily armed tactical units from the German Climate Security Force breached the apartment of an 84-year-old grandmother suspected of harboring an illegal, unregistered air conditioning unit.<\/p>\n
According to police reports, 84-year-old great-grandmother Hildegard M\u00fcller, was taken into custody which involved a physical confrontation, though not before special forces deployed flashbangs and shattered her double-glazed energy-efficient windows to breach the perimeter. M\u00fcller had been \u201csuspected of covertly operating an unsanctioned air conditioning unit\u201d during the continent\u2019s record-breaking 107-degree heatwave.<\/p>\n
“We had credible reports of unusual indoor temperatures dropping below approved discomfort thresholds,” said Inspector Klaus Reinhardt to news reporters while the grandmother was being beaten for resisting arrest. “We cannot allow rogue elements of society to shamelessly enjoy 72-degree ambient temperatures while Mother Earth is literally crying fire.”<\/p>\n
“No citizen is above shared warmth responsibility. Not even an almost 90-year old disabled great-grandmother. She’s going to prison for a long time.”<\/p>\n
Inside the master bedroom, authorities seized the contraband cooling device, along with 40 pounds of compressed Freon, two illicit extension cords, and a chilled bottle of Riesling.<\/p>\n