Governor Newsom<\/a>, coughing through thick plumes of black smoke, assured the public that the timing was a total coincidence and that California\u2019s democratic institutions remain the most transparent in the nation.<\/p>\n“We have absolutely nothing to hide, and we welcome the FBI to conduct a rigorous, thorough forensic audit of this pile of smoldering charcoal,” Gavin Newsom declared, as a flaming box of Karen Bass votes collapsed behind him. “I invite the federal government to check the signature of any piece of white-hot ash they like. Transparency is the bedrock of our democracy, and we are happy to provide investigators with all the soot they can carry.”<\/p>\n
The federal probe was initiated early Thursday morning after the Department of Justice demanded to physically verify the signatures on hundreds of thousands of mail-in ballots that miraculously pushed Mayor Karen Bass and establishment Democrats to victory.<\/p>\n
Local election officials were quick to dismiss any allegations of a coordinated cover-up, chalking the inferno up to bad luck and the Golden State’s ongoing environmental crisis.<\/p>\n
At press time, Newsom was seen generously offering DOJ officials a set of complimentary brooms and dustpans, assuring them that his office would cover the cost of the sweeping by increasing Californian’s taxes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA \u2014 Following widespread public outcry over a multi-week-long ballot-counting process, California Governor Gavin Newsom announced his administration\u2019s full, enthusiastic cooperation with a newly launched DOJ and FBI audit into the state\u2019s highly suspicious election results, making the pledge exactly three minutes after a Los Angeles County warehouse containing all 4.5 million fully counted, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":37245,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[857,912,180,1262,1121,1113],"class_list":["post-37244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-politics","tag-california","tag-election","tag-fbi","tag-gavin-newsom","tag-justice-department","tag-rated-g"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37244","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37244"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37244\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/37245"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}