WASHINGTON\u2014 The State Department issued a rare formal apology today after a “scheduling error” on a government server led to the premature public release of a comprehensive media kit for a catastrophic Iranian false flag attack that isn’t scheduled to occur until March 17th.<\/p>\n
The leak, which briefly appeared on the official State.gov homepage under the tab “Project: Persian Punch\u2014DO NOT PUBLISH,” contained pre-rendered CGI footage of a burning US tanker, three pre-written “Day of Infamy” speeches, and a list of spontaneous hashtags for the CIA\u2019s bot farms to trend.<\/p>\n
“We deeply regret this technical spoiler,” said a spokesperson for the CIA’s Directorate of Narrative Continuity. “We understand that for a false flag to truly resonate with Americans, there needs to be a sense of genuine shock. The American people deserve to experience a national tragedy with the proper sense of organic shock and awe. Our agency prides itself on the organic, surprise feel of its geopolitical catalysts. We promise to be more clandestine with our next domestic tragedy.”<\/p>\n
Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was reportedly inconsolable after having spent the last three weeks practicing his shocked and appalled face in a mirror at home.<\/p>\n