WASHINGTON– In a stunning display of bipartisan unity, the U.S. Congress announced today that it has reached a deal to reopen the federal government after a record 41-day shutdown.<\/p>\n
However, sources close to the negotiations have revealed that the sole reason for the reopening is not to address pressing national issues, fund vital services, or pay federal employees, but rather to allow lawmakers to take yet another long-planned vacation.<\/p>\n
“After intense negotiations and countless hours of debate, we’ve finally reached a compromise,” announced Senate Republican Leader John Thune, already dressed in his Hawaiian shirt and flipflops. “And what better way to celebrate this bipartisan victory than with a much-needed break? And they say us Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything.”<\/p>\n
Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer echoed Thune’s sentiments, “We’ve shown the American people that we can work together, at least when it comes to our own self interests. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a plane ticket to Cancun with my name on it.”<\/p>\n
Despite the public’s outrage over useless representation, Congress remains undeterred. “Look, we’ve earned this vacation,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren. “Anyone who says otherwise is a racist, misogynistic transphobe.”<\/p>\n
Congress promised the American people that once they return from their month-long vacation they’ll be ready to tackle the brutal work of planning their next vacation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
WASHINGTON– In a stunning display of bipartisan unity, the U.S. Congress announced today that it has reached a deal to reopen the federal government after a record 41-day shutdown. However, sources close to the negotiations have revealed that the sole reason for the reopening is not to address pressing national issues, fund vital services, or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":34930,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[153,404,1113,590],"class_list":["post-34918","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-politics","tag-congress","tag-democrat","tag-rated-g","tag-republican"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34918","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34918"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34918\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34930"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}