OTTAWA, CANADA– Only one day after hundreds of ostriches were culled by the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, a peaceful flock of Canada geese gathered outside Parliament Hill was thrown into chaos Saturday morning after one of them let out what witnesses described as a \u201csuspiciously phlegmy honk\u201d just as Prime Minister Mark Carney and several MPs were walking into the building.<\/p>\n
According to onlookers, the flock froze in unison as Carney turned his head sharply toward the noise. Within seconds, several federal health officials\u2014who apparently now travel everywhere with \u201cavian containment kits\u201d\u2014were spotted whispering into their radios.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, don’t worry, it was just a normal honk, eh,\u201d squawked one terrified goose as health officials put on their hazmat suits. \u201cFirst, it was the ostriches, and now we’re going to be next. I’m not taking any chances. Let’s get the hell out of here.\u201d<\/p>\n
As a van labeled Canadian Food Inspection Agency backed up toward the Canada geese, the worried birds reportedly scattered in panic, some taking refuge near the Rideau Canal, others fleeing to Quebec. One particularly defiant bird was seen standing on the Parliament steps with a sign reading \u201cGEESE LIVES MATTER.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey told the ostriches it was just an innocent health check,\u201d whispered a trembling goose, looking around nervously. \u201cThen the next thing they knew they were facing a firing squad. We all saw the videos. Now they\u2019re saying one of us coughed? Oh no, we\u2019re booking it to the United States.\u201d<\/p>\n
In unrelated news, the Canadian Food Inspection Agency has quietly ordered 500 new \u201cavian containment units,\u201d which officials insist are \u201cpurely coincidental and have nothing to do with getting ready to kill thousands of geese.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
OTTAWA, CANADA– Only one day after hundreds of ostriches were culled by the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, a peaceful flock of Canada geese gathered outside Parliament Hill was thrown into chaos Saturday morning after one of them let out what witnesses described as a \u201csuspiciously phlegmy honk\u201d just as Prime Minister Mark Carney and several […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":34912,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[259,1239,1114],"class_list":["post-34911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-world","tag-canada","tag-canada-goose","tag-rated-pg"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34911"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34911\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34912"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}