{"id":34813,"date":"2025-10-29T10:22:29","date_gmt":"2025-10-29T15:22:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/?p=34813"},"modified":"2025-10-29T10:22:29","modified_gmt":"2025-10-29T15:22:29","slug":"keir-starmer-declares-immigrant-knife-crime-epidemic-solved-after-uk-police-cease-counting-attacks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/2025\/10\/29\/keir-starmer-declares-immigrant-knife-crime-epidemic-solved-after-uk-police-cease-counting-attacks\/","title":{"rendered":"Keir Starmer Declares Immigrant Knife Crime Epidemic Solved After UK Police Cease Counting Attacks"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>LONDON, UK&#8211; In a historic press conference, Prime Minister Keir Starmer beamed with pride as he announced the &#8220;miraculous&#8221; decline in immigrant knife crime across the United Kingdom, citing a dramatic, statistically significant drop in reported incidents after issuing a directive to all UK police forces to simply stop counting migrant stabbings.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;We&#8217;ve proven that perception is reality,&#8221; Keir Starmer declared, flanked by senior police officials dressed in burkas. &#8220;If we don&#8217;t record it, it didn&#8217;t happen. If an immigrant stabbing isn&#8217;t factored into the official statistics, then, for all intents and purposes, it simply hasn&#8217;t happened.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Critics pointed out that emergency rooms are still overflowing with victims, and social media is filled with videos of blood-soaked streets and thousands of British citizens getting stabbed. But<a href=\"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/2025\/10\/20\/chief-mouser-larry-the-cat-catches-large-rat-in-uk-prime-ministers-office\/\"> PM Keir Starmer<\/a> remained undeterred.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Those are just &#8216;unofficial&#8217; stabbings. Not part of our data set. The only crimes we count now are the ones perpetrated by White British citizens.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Wanker\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Prime Minister<\/a> credited the strategy to watching a lot of <em>1984<\/em> and had some insights. When a news reporter asked about the rising death toll, Starmer called the journalist a White supremacist and then had them arrested.<\/p>\n<p>Starmer later announced that he had also lowered the number of immigrant rapes by utilizing the same &#8220;No Counting&#8221; policy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>LONDON, UK&#8211; In a historic press conference, Prime Minister Keir Starmer beamed with pride as he announced the &#8220;miraculous&#8221; decline in immigrant knife crime across the United Kingdom, citing a dramatic, statistically significant drop in reported incidents after issuing a directive to all UK police forces to simply stop counting migrant stabbings. &#8220;We&#8217;ve proven that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":34814,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[41,880,1401,1114,125],"class_list":["post-34813","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-world","tag-crime","tag-illegal-alien","tag-keir-starmer","tag-rated-pg","tag-uk"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34813","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34813"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34813\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34814"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34813"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34813"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34813"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}