TOKYO, JAPAN– During a diplomatic visit to Japan, President Donald Trump’s body began emitting a bright green glow after he drank from a sink faucet during a state visit to Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi’s office, reportedly developing what appears to be mutant powers, chief among them an intense, full-body luminescence. The water, sourced from a Fukushima prefecture well, contained levels of cesium-137 500 times above safe limits.<\/p>\n
Eyewitnesses claim Trump, unaware of the water’s radioactive content, downed the glass in one gulp, with his body suddenly illuminating the entire banquet hall, causing several dignitaries to shield their eyes.<\/p>\n
“This is the best water I’ve ever tasted,” said Trump confidently as his normally orange skin took on a greenish nuclear hue. “I don’t know what it is, but I’m feeling stronger than ever. It’s like I’m becoming a superhero. At this rate, I’ll still be president for another fifty years. I bet you Sleepy Joe wouldn’t be able to handle drinking radioactive water the way I can. Everyone says I’m the best at it.”<\/p>\n
Dressed in a hazmat suit, Trump’s personal physician gave the president a full physical and confirmed the presence of new mutant-like abilities, such as modifying the weather so every day is golf day, super reflexes to dodge assassin’s bullets, telepathy to finally read wife Melania’s mind, regenerative powers after consuming too much McDonald’s food, and the ability to light up the entire White House with his body thus saving the taxpayer’s even more money.<\/p>\n