Stormtrooper<\/a> randomly opened fire on the facility, missing every ICE agent in sight while inadvertently hitting three detained illegal immigrants.<\/p>\n“I almost could’ve believe what a bad shot that guy was,” said Dallas Police Chief Bob Gomez. “I mean, I could’ve done a better job with my eyes closed. That stormtrooper couldn’t hit the broad side of a Star Destroyer.”<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, the stormtrooper remains in custody being that he had tried to commit suicide but missed hitting himself and struck a random bystander in the area instead.<\/p>\n
The Stormtrooper’s motives remain unclear, but sources close to the investigation suggest he was “just following orders.”. When questioned about his actions, TK-421 allegedly shrugged and muttered something about, “Rebel scum.”<\/p>\n
This incident marks the first time a Stormtrooper has been involved in a mass shooting on Earth. The Galactic Empire has since issued a statement apologizing for the “unfortunate collateral damage” and promising to provide additional marksmanship training to its troops.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
DALLAS. TEXAS– Only hours after the incident occurred, authorities have confirmed that the gunman responsible for the recent shooting at a Dallas ICE facility was none other than TK-421, a seasoned Stormtrooper from the Galactic Empire. The blaster-wielding assailant, clad in iconic white armor, reportedly missed every single one of his intended targets due to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":34526,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[41,80,84,1114,263],"class_list":["post-34525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-u-s-news","tag-crime","tag-movies","tag-police","tag-rated-pg","tag-star-wars"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34525","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34525"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34525\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34526"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}