TOKYO, JAPAN– In a journalistic twist that almost everyone saw coming, America’s most trusted news source CNN has reported that Japanese police are hunting a “White male suspect” who destroyed Tokyo, despite irrefutable evidence pointing to a 400-foot-tall radioactive lizard named Godzilla.<\/p>\n
As part of its equity in disaster reporting, CNN’s audacious claim that a White male had rampaged through the large Tokyo city has once again triggered global mockery and derision due to the lengths the network will go to blame any crime on a White man.<\/p>\n
“Our anonymous sources have confirmed that the suspect who destroyed Tokyo was possibly a White male,” said news anchor Erin Burnett as she tried to keep a straight face due to the absurdity of her own lie. “We all witnessed on camera the way the suspect demolished all those high-rise buildings in Japan. Only a White male would commit such a horrible crime. This is xenophobic, Nazi-like racism by a straight, White, male Trump supporter.”<\/p>\n
Standing in front of a large Godzilla cardboard cutout, exasperated Japanese police held a press conference to clarify that the suspect was definitely not a White human male and then asked CNN<\/a> to please stay out of their affairs.<\/p>\n “This is our suspect,” said Japan’s Chief Inspector as he pointed at the Godzilla cutout. “Godzilla large lizard who shoot blue fire, not White man named Chad from Ohio.”<\/p>\n