{"id":33796,"date":"2025-07-17T15:29:38","date_gmt":"2025-07-17T20:29:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/?p=33796"},"modified":"2025-07-17T15:29:38","modified_gmt":"2025-07-17T20:29:38","slug":"starving-sesame-street-muppets-forced-to-eat-big-bird-after-congress-cuts-funding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/2025\/07\/17\/starving-sesame-street-muppets-forced-to-eat-big-bird-after-congress-cuts-funding\/","title":{"rendered":"Starving Sesame Street Muppets Forced To Eat Big Bird After Congress Cuts Funding"},"content":{"rendered":"

MANHATTAN, NEW YORK– Now desperate and penniless, the once-beloved residents of Sesame Street have descended into chaos and cannibalism following a brutal funding cut by Congress, forcing the starving Muppets to eat longtime friend and castmate Big Bird in a desperate attempt at survival.<\/p>\n

As part of President Donald Trump’s DOGE budget cuts, Congress officially voted to eliminate all federal support for public broadcasting, leaving Sesame Street\u2019s furry and feathered cast without resources to sustain their idyllic neighborhood. With no money for groceries, the Muppets were forced to make tough choices.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was so sad, but Elmo had no choice,\u201d sobbed a gaunt Elmo, clutching a suspiciously large drumstick. \u201cBig Bird was Elmo’s friend. But Big Bird was also just so <\/span>plump<\/span><\/span>. Elmo didn\u2019t want to, but Elmo\u2019s tummy was all rumbly-wumbly!\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
An emaciated Cookie Monster, who usually only eats cookies on a strict vegetarian diet, was left with no choice after debating his dwindling options. “Feather’s crunchy. Like big, yellow cookie. Om nom nom nom.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The mood on Sesame Street<\/a> remained somber, with Big Bird’s longtime friend Mr. Snuffleupagus seen wandering aimlessly mumbling, “Big Bird was my friend. Now he’s in my stew. But he does taste pretty darn good though. Thanks for your sacrifice, pal.”<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MANHATTAN, NEW YORK– Now desperate and penniless, the once-beloved residents of Sesame Street have descended into chaos and cannibalism following a brutal funding cut by Congress, forcing the starving Muppets to eat longtime friend and castmate Big Bird in a desperate attempt at survival. As part of President Donald Trump’s DOGE budget cuts, Congress officially […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":33797,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[63,1114,1329,117],"class_list":["post-33796","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-food","tag-rated-pg","tag-sesame-street","tag-tv"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33796","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33796"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33796\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/33797"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33796"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33796"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33796"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}