Christie<\/a> practiced his moves after balloon handlers filled the obese politician with an inordinate amount of helium just to be able to get the heavyset former governor up off the ground.<\/p>\n“We had to get a special city permit to have extra room to be able to get Mr. Christie through the streets,” said Macy’s event coordinator Gus Wilkerson. “Due to the sheer magnitude of Mr. Christie’s corpulent physique, safety inspectors had to block off a few more street lanes and sidewalk space to be able to get him through.”<\/p>\n
While floating around midair, the thunderous sound of Christie’s top and bottom cheeks flapping around could be heard reverberating for miles and eventually ended up causing a mild 5.5 magnitude earthquake a few blocks over.<\/p>\n
“You don’t see Donald Trump up here doing whatever it takes to become president,” bellowed Christie as a few whales came ashore to mate. “If Trump’s the man he says he is then he’ll meet me up here during the parade and we’ll see which one of us is more full of hot air.”<\/p>\n
Other large character balloons joining Christie in this year’s Macy’s parade are Lizzo, Stacey Abrams, and Amy Schumer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK– Republican Presidential candidate Chris Christie has announced that he will be joining this year’s annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade as one of the largest character balloons in the event’s history. Spectators watched in awe as Christie practiced his moves after balloon handlers filled the obese politician with an inordinate amount […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":25215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[487,39,1338,1114,645],"class_list":["post-25214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-u-s-news","tag-chris-christie","tag-donald-trump","tag-politics","tag-rated-pg","tag-thanksgiving"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25214","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25214"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25214\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}