PLANO, TEXAS– Teenagers across the country are flocking to their local retailers to purchase a new skin cream called Geezer Gook that guarantees to age your appearance by decades in what has become the latest in a long line of juvenile fads.<\/p>\n
According to the skin cream’s manufacturer Estupido, the cream contains a skin-degenerating chemical called Warp Factor 9 that leeches into the\u00a0stratum corneum and into the granular cell layers, rapidly decreasing the rate at which skin cells proliferate and causing someone’s appearance to be decades older than their true age.<\/p>\n
Stores across the country have been unable to carry enough of the skin cream and Estupido was forced to start construction on a new plant only a mile down the road from it’s current facility in Plano, Texas.<\/p>\n
“We love how we look,” says teenage siblings\u00a0Jack and Jill Pressman,\u00a0pictured in the photo above after only two weeks of using Geezer Gook. “All our friends couldn’t believe how cool we looked. They actually thought we were real old people. Now our entire class looks like\u00a0a retirement home. It’s awesome.”<\/p>\n
But not everyone is as ecstatic as America’s youth.<\/p>\n
“These kids are getting the benefits of old age without all the risks,” 72 year old Brenda Cocovian said from the comfort of her hospice bed. “These selfish\u00a0kids are taking away the only things us seniors have positive in our lives, which’s making people feel sorry for us and take care of us. Now everybody’s going to give these fake seniors all the best parking spots, early bird specials and leeway to steal from stores. It’s just not fair.”<\/p>\n
After realizing just how much this new fad has been hurting America’s real seniors, Jack and Jill were empathetic. “Yeah, our grandparents said the same thing. They said we don’t deserve to look old and reap all the benefits. We tried to tell ’em we probably won’t be doing this forever. Someday we’ll stop using Geezer Gook and go back to the way we looked before. We told them not to worry.”<\/p>\n
A disclaimer on the bottom of every Geezer Gook bottle\u00a0claims that using the controversial skin cream\u00a0causes irreversible damage to the appearance, sun spots, liver spots, crow’s feet, wrinkles, heart attacks, Alzheimer’s disease, erectile dysfunction, amnesia, diabetes, cancer and early death.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
PLANO, TEXAS– Teenagers across the country are flocking to their local retailers to purchase a new skin cream called Geezer Gook that guarantees to age your appearance by decades in what has become the latest in a long line of juvenile fads. According to the skin cream’s manufacturer Estupido, the cream contains a skin-degenerating chemical […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5583,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[71,991,994,43,45,1113,740,55,710,990,142],"class_list":["post-238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-tech-health","tag-beauty","tag-boy","tag-girl","tag-medical","tag-old","tag-rated-g","tag-school-girl","tag-science","tag-senior-citizen","tag-skin-cream","tag-teens"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/238","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=238"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/238\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5583"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=238"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=238"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=238"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}