{"id":16042,"date":"2021-10-09T11:43:15","date_gmt":"2021-10-09T16:43:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/?p=16042"},"modified":"2021-12-28T22:24:58","modified_gmt":"2021-12-29T03:24:58","slug":"lizard-person-bill-gates-accidentally-squirts-venom-into-reporters-eyes-during-intense-interview","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/09\/lizard-person-bill-gates-accidentally-squirts-venom-into-reporters-eyes-during-intense-interview\/","title":{"rendered":"Lizard Person Bill Gates Accidentally Squirts Venom Into Reporter&#8217;s Eyes During Intense Interview"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK&#8211; Microsoft co-founder and vaccine candy man Bill Gates has profusely apologized to a dead Bloomberg news reporter&#8217;s family after mistakenly shooting his poisonous venom into her eyes, causing the shocked woman to completely dissolve on camera.<\/p>\n<p>The mishap happened when the female reporter pushed the microphone a little too close toward Gates&#8217; face, causing the reptilian philanthropist&#8217;s natural defense mechanism to kick in and spit his toxic liquid at his human attacker.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;It looks like I made a little boo-boo,&#8221; said Gates with a tongue lick, referring to the woman he just unintentionally murdered on live television. &#8220;I&#8217;m sure this minor incident will give more fodder to all the Qanon conspiracy theorists who claim I&#8217;m a lizard person hell-bent on depopulating the earth.&#8221;<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_16044\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-16044\" style=\"width: 640px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-16044\" src=\"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/StagingSite\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/BillGatesLizard2-min.jpg\" alt=\"Green lizard wearing blue suit and tie and black glasses.\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" title=\"\"><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-16044\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Bill Gates says all the claims that he is a shape-shifting lizard person who wants to take over the world is patently absurd.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Gates went on to say that he promises to make amends with the reporter&#8217;s family by giving every one of them a year&#8217;s worth of free <a href=\"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/StagingSite\/index.php\/2020\/12\/02\/bill-gates-trust-me-i-know-medicine-i-watched-5-seasons-of-house-m-d\/\">Gates venom vaccines<\/a>, guaranteed to either stop COVID-19 dead in its tracks or cause you to completely liquefy from the inside out.<\/p>\n<p>Fellow billionaire lizard people George Soros and Jeff Bezos came to Gates&#8217; defense, saying it&#8217;s the reporter&#8217;s fault for getting too close to the reptilian software developer and thus Gates had every right to protect himself from the &#8220;useless eater&#8221; human.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Lizard Person Bill Gates Squirts Venom Into Reporter\u2019s Eyes During Intense Interview | Satire\" width=\"1240\" height=\"698\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Nb5zuOjZbYA?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK&#8211; Microsoft co-founder and vaccine candy man Bill Gates has profusely apologized to a dead Bloomberg news reporter&#8217;s family after mistakenly shooting his poisonous venom into her eyes, causing the shocked woman to completely dissolve on camera. The mishap happened when the female reporter pushed the microphone a little too close [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16043,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[1143,547,1311,35,609,1114,958,1310,784,166],"class_list":["post-16042","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-u-s-news","tag-animal","tag-bill-gates","tag-bloomberg-news","tag-dead","tag-george-soros","tag-rated-pg","tag-reporter","tag-reptile","tag-vaccine","tag-virus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16042","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16042"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16042\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16043"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16042"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16042"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailysoak.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16042"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}