NEW YORK, NEW YORK– Police in New York are on the lookout for a Heart that attacked a man in Central Park yesterday, causing a city-wide panic as residents and visitors alike have been staying indoors on their couches to avoid being the next victim of a Heart attack.<\/p>\n
According to the ABC news affiliate in New York, 39 year old Brian Ortiz was walking home from work at 8:30 p.m. last night when he was attacked by Heart along a trail inside Central Park. Ortiz claims that he was attacked and nearly sexually assaulted by Heart on the lone bike trail and had to fight off his attacker to escape.<\/p>\n
“I don’t usually travel that way home,” said Ortiz, showing ABC News reporters the bruises on his chest and arms. “He came right up in my grill. He was a big fat guy too. As soon as Heart attacked me I hit the ground and grabbed at my chest. It felt like I had a car sitting on top of me. My left arm’s still killing me.”<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, experts warn that Heart attacks are a frequent occurrence and sometimes with little warning, with more than a million Americans having Heart attacks each year.<\/p>\n
“The Heart requires a constant supply of blood,” warns Dr. Ross Stern, chief psychiatrist\u00a0at Mount Sinai. “Usually these types of criminals get satisfaction by starving\u00a0their victims of much-needed oxygen and causing their victims permanent damage.<\/p>\n
“I’m currently treating a young female victim who’s had 20 Heart attacks this year alone. For some reason she seems to be prone to Heart attacks. She works as a stripper and usually walks home wearing a bikini while smoking a cigarette after drinking alcohol and doing three lines of cocaine. It’s a mystery as there’s absolutely no obvious signs or symptoms of why it happens.”<\/p>\n
The New York Police department is asking for\u00a0the public’s assistance in apprehending the Heart attacker. Above\u00a0is a composite sketch as described by the latest victim.<\/p>\n
“It happened so fast,” Ortiz added, showing reporters where Heart was pressuring and squeezing his chest and arms. “He came up from behind me speaking what sounded like Arabic. I knew right then I was gonna have to fight for my life, ya know, with all the attacks lately by Hearts speaking Arabic.”<\/p>\n